lyricless

im starting to really think about next year. these days that we have now need to be cherished. cuz after next year who knows what will happen. i know we all say that we'll be friends forever and ever and all that but reality is starting to hit me..as much as i want to stay close and connected with all the friends i've come to love, the possibilities of that are slowly diminishing. with everyone going their separate ways to pursue different things its unavoidable that friendships will be lost and ties will be cut. its sad. i realized that this is the last real summer that we have left as teenagers. next year we'll be becoming adults (SCARY!) and it will be a summer full of sad goodbyes, i'll mis you, KIT, ect. its time to live it up while you can. time to stop doing the same ol same ol and try new things. get to know new people. you never know who will stick with you throughout your life. its time to stop the drama cuz times to precious to waste on silly things like that. live laugh love. repeat.

from the depths of the mississippi

i never seem to keep up with this. oh wells.
anyways kinda have alot on my mind and im not sure if i can get it all down clearly. try and follow.
so lately things have been good but then not good. like i have what i want but not how i want it i guess. maybe im just too picky. when things came crashing down i never thought i would reach the point where they could come back together. but like in all things its never the same. it may come back together but never without the cracks and scars. not without the reminder that it was once broken. when something shatters its nearly impossible to gather all the pieces. there is always something missing. whether you find it through time is impossible to determine. whether the missing piece is important to the whole, you'll find out right away. work through it? or leave it unfinished?
work through it most def. why turn around when you've come so far. turning around would just take you back to where you have already been. take you through things you've already felt. not what i want. what i want: to experience new things. wheher they be good or bad its worth the journey to find out. if i get hurt i know i have a support system that can sustain me. i just need to learn to fall and trust them to catch me. trust that they'll help lift me back up if i need them to do so.
ehh not a clear point at all. sry. didnt really get it all down another time.
time to decide what i wanna do before i die and for love and rockets =D
comprende?

irritated

as fuck right now.

wack ass weekend. i can already see it. i know what your all thinking. no its not that time of the month. fuck man. PROBLEMS

1) mom is gayyyyyyy. way to make fucking plans that actually line up with what i wanna do then go and pussy out and cancel. wtf! the one weekend where my stepdad is gone all weekend she goes and spends it sleeping all fucking day. so my perfect saturday got canceled thanks mom. this is why im moving out RIGHT when i turn 18.

2) irritating ass people. people that i shouldn't find irritating are freal just making me wanna punch them in the face right now. ugh. shit stop being a fake ass nigga, doing shit just to make you look cooler or whatever. nobody fucking likes you! they talk hella shit and you dont even know! mm, bet everyones on edge now. think im talking about you? its the person you least expect lol uugh ok enough of that

3)siiickness is NOT the bidness. still coughing. still cant breath. still wanna go out. fml.

4)hestating. i hate hesitating. second guessing everything i do, or wanna do. most of the time when i hesitate i end up not doing what i wanted to do. i find some way to convince myself that i dont have to or that its a bad idea and that im just better of not doing it. i feel like i've missed out on alot.

sorry im just really irritated right now. thank god for liz =)

up up and away

thought the weekend would be terrrible since my phone got stolen but...
it was craaaackin =)
recap shall we?
FRIDAY:
school. rally (gay). kevins. visit bethel people. swoop will. almost get killed driving. drop off nick. drifting attempts by kevin. donuts in watersend. back to kevins. chill for a bit. back to ari's. eat. solitaire (soooo addicted right now omg). mickey d's for fries. school for the talent show. try get in for free. unsuccesful. kevins for ari's wallet. car stalls twice. back to kevin's. hella bethel people there. chill. chilo and ari look at her car. gotta leave kevins in a hurrt. rite aid with kam to meet up with ari and chilo. mando and peter meet us. kams with chilo ari peter mando and wheat. chill, tv, videos, tickle fight lol, sleeeeepy. split up. back to ari's. get picked up. CRASH!
SATURDAY: sleep in somewhat =) finally. study so i can go out. laundry. dropped off at ari's. swoop axl, jape, and will at vallejo plaza. debit card purchase one : L&L =) concord. pho for ari. steal chopsticks. meet up with kevin and chilo. to the drive ins! will in kevins trunk. axl in ari's trunk. jape squished somewhere in the back. hella funny! lol. edge of darkness=weeeeak. talk through the whole movie lol. book of eli! woohoo! i wont give it away =) knock out on the way home. craaash when i get home.
SUNDAY: chill =)

liked that i got to hang out with a group i never really hung out with before. hella fun haha
missed some people but i still had fun. hopefully things keep going up =)

frustrated

i hate how everything and everyone is so restricted.
how there are so many boundaries.
how you cant do one thing cuz of another thing
i hate how the drama just takes over.
i just wish we could wipe the slate clean.
i hate how the past always dictates the future,
how because it went bad then, there is no chance now.
why cant things go back to like how they were?
hella close. clicked like that. instant friends. soul friends i think we said.
went you about EVERYTHING.
helped me with dann problems.
parental problems.
friend problems.
i'd like to think i was a good friend and a help to you too.
just miss the friendship. haven't clicked with alot of people the way i did with you.
anyways, i just hate how the close friendship is gone.

frustration number 2
how things just dont seem to be working out. ugh.

two hours later..

frustration number 3
i hate how one sided i am. why cant things that i let myself do, why cant i let you do the same.
does my guilt affect what i think of you? if so, im sorry. i do this to myself. this is just venting. just letting it out. telling somebody. anybody. even though you may not completely understand whats going on it just feels good to get things out.